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I don't even cry when I chop onions.

clark-kent-dc:

When I die, I want the people who did group projects with me to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time

theguywiththegreenhood:

Tumblr is the best because none of my followers can really know for sure if I’m actually wearing pants or not.

saturnine-dreams:

I have made more friends in college through joking about murder than actually being nice.

thecutestofthecute:

DON’T STOP REEEETRIEVEN’

HOLD ONTO THAT FEEEELINE

smaugnussen:

and I would walk 500 dogs and I would walk 500 more

(via vaginaed)

juliettebrioche:

when you see a map or a family tree at the front of a novel you know that shit is gonna get complicated

(via best-of-tumblr)

hashbrownyoloswag:

weteevee:

strangecharmer:

weteevee:

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

i trusted you

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

Wut is going on

(Source: flygoing, via best-of-tumblr)